Why Coach? Ahhh … It’s Easy!

Thanks for your note! The best way to answer your question is with a question. How old is the typical guy? It’s pretty hard to describe the typical guy’s sexuality because we’re always transitioning.There are as many kinds of guys looking for sexual guidance as there are kinds of guys in life as well as stops along the journey. We’re diverse in life, but when it comes to sex, we’re really diverse. We change and sexuality wants to change with us.

Your comments about counselor, therapist, kick in the ass reminded me that a lot of guys approach their quest for guidance with respect to sexuality as though there is something wrong with them and they need to be fixed. Much of the time there is nothing wrong. The problem is that we cloak sex in secrecy and consequently we offer one another very little help managing and enjoying the sexual energy we have. Or if we do offer help, it’s very qualified in some way.

We give a lot of attention to educating members of our society with respect to using and enjoying fire, playing in water, managing and enjoying money, playing in high places or with speed, and thriving in a spiritual place. Anyone would agree that you do someone a disservice if you don’t help them understand how to find safety and pleasure in all those areas and many more. But sex is totally left to happenstance. For some reason we feel you should just know how to do that. And we refer to physical acts of sex and completely ignore all that sex is tangled with. Those things we moralize. Physical sex, we medicalize.

So when we find ourselves in a frustrating sexual place in life we pathologize it. We feel like we’re social or emotionally sick. When we’re really just a natural member of society uneducated in how to get the most out of our sexual lives.

Sex is an incredibly powerful energy with so much to serve us and bring us pleasure much like the fire, water and spirituality that I mentioned earlier. Sex impinges on most other areas of life. Relationships, creativity, self image, success, sport, career. If you think about it, you can put these things alongside sex and soon see how they connect. Yet, we don’t intentionally do anything to equip ourselves sexually.

That’s why I do what I do. Look at my website. One of the strongest keywords that I have is “masturbation techniques”. Guys want to know how to masturbate — presumably the simplest sexual act — but not so. Masturbation is incredibly involved and nuanced. No one taught us how to masturbate. For as sexually diverse as we are, we all find in common that we want to know about sex and how it works in our lives. We want to know about sex because it seriously affects how we navigate our lives — in a frustrated way, or in a way that is in sync with who we are. In order to do that well, guidance is necessary.

Because we have so stigmatized sex, most guidance attaches judgement to itself. You see it religiously, and in macho guy writing like Men’s Health. I like Men’s Health, but it doesn’t leave a lot of room for diversity. So, I strive to be a sex positive coach that helps you be you. We leave yesterday’s stories in yesterday and know that tomorrow’s imaginations that concern us likely will not be. Sex wants us to live in the now. In the now, we’re able to most be who we are — integrated and in sync. Not frustrated.

Society as it is now refuses to do that for us. That’s why I do this. I do it for guys who want to make the effort for themselves.